I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
