I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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