so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
