Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize