you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
