Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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