I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
