Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
