marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
