I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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