I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
