So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
