i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
