I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
