I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I died a long time ago.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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