can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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