Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
