I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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