Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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