Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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