tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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