The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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