She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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