Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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