laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
