her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
