I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
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He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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