So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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