and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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