I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
