What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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