if i died would you start the facebook group?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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