Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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