Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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