My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
