Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
