Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
