mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
