i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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