nut hugger
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
