what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
