what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
