she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
