That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
