Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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