Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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