i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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