my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
