she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
