i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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