Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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