if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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