Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
