So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
