I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize