just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
