There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
