Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
