So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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