Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize