weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
