nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
