sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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